In my life I have been single many times. Each time I am single I celebrate, for a while. And then, slowly but surely I begin to long again. For company. For feeling a warm body against mine. For sex. For that you are special to that one special person. For ‘la folie” as the French call it.
First of all let me tell you my story about love. In my thirties I was very uncool looking for a love to spent the rest of my life with. I was fed up being a “happy single”. I was about to find out love is like story telling: a story becomes more complete when listened to.
Lesson in love #1: incubate
I am on a train and the window is open. I enjoy the sunshine on my skin. Next to me I see a girl that I also know in waking life. She asks me if I got any "projects". I realize that a project, in her perspective is a boyfriend. I tell her that I do not treat men like projects but like persons. I feel the wind of change blowing through the window bringing a fresh splash of water that lands on my arms. i enjoy that feeling of sun and water.
When I told this dream to a guy – friend of mine- he laughed and set: you got wet. Ahem, blush, yes I did. I fell in love. Animus projection: my energy levels rised when my loved one was in the neighbourhood, I tried to be pretty, funny, intelligent… And it worked. He fell in love with me to. We will celebrate our 12,5 anniversary soon.
What happened and how can you looking for love learn from it:
I incubated this dream before or first date. I thought of my husband as an attractive intelligent guy, but I had also had negative experiences with intelligent attractive guys. I dated some so-called ‘hunks” that where really annoying. because I feared my husband would be like that too, I incubated this dream. And no, at the time I did not interpret it as “you are going to meet the man yo are going to marry tomorrow“. I interpreted it as a sign I was on the right track: not treating guys like projects.
Lesson in love #2: trust and search
In Chickensoup for the soul, Dreams and premonitions there is a moving love story about a lady who meets Eric and falls desperately in love. But he is married and has the golden rule of not getting into an extra marital relationship. She goes away, marries, divorces, meets another man… But no man can live up to the golden standard. One night she dreams..
"Then I dreamed that Eric and his wife (whom I had never met) were standing in my kitchen. She was somehow giving him to me, wordlessly urging me to call him. I woke and wondered what could be happening in his life to cause my dream..."
In waking life, the wife of Eric had died and he was longing for her with the same kind of energy as she did. The dream seemed to emphasise this, because even though it was no mutual dream, both people seemed to subconsciously reach out to each other. Reading it, I remembered that in the time that i was searching for my mate, i used to “scan” the sky with my third eye to connect with the man who would be my best match. And yes, one time I thought I heard a man tell me that he was not ready yet. When I met my husband I learned that just around that time he was in a divorce. Shaken up, not really in the mood to get into any new relationship. So my advice to you is: trust and search. Use your intuition, your inner knowing.
Lesson in love #3: learn to mutual dream
Another very exciting dream that is mentioned in Chicken Soup for the soul, Dreams and premonitions involves a mutual dream. I am convinced that you can easily share dreams with a person that is right for you. I think mutual energies attract each other. When my husband and I were apart because I organized a workshop for Robert Moss, Robert asked all the participants to invite a dream lover to an island and come back with a mutual dream. In my hotel room, my husband and I -while Facetiming- searched for a nice island to meet each other that night. In my dream I was on an island, but he was not there! When I called him the next morning he told me he had been on an island too but I was not there. We started laughing because we both had visited the wrong island.
In chicken soup for the soul this mutual dream is told:
Even and I had been friends for about ten years, but after an argument we hadn't spoken to each other in more than eight months... Then one night I dreamed that Evan and I were ballroom dancing. I had on a gorgeous, sparkly red ball gown and Evan was holding me... I called him and said "I dreamed about you". Did it involve dancing? he asked. Surprised I said: "how did you know that?" He said: "because I had the same dream".
I know that mutual dreaming might seem like a special unattainable skill. And that you might want to use it with cause. Dreams are very intimate and a lot of people don’t feel the need to share dreams about other men and women. It can be too intimate, like a shared secret. But when the feeling is as mutual as the dreams are, it surely lights up the love fire.
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