Me too, But Now What?

Me Too #MeToo. Alyssa Milano started this hashtag on twitter and I read it on Facebook. Several of my female friends used it to indicate that they, just like me, had been harassed, cat called, raped, and even worse.

Soon there was a reply on my post saying: I think every single woman on this earth can post this. My heart grew even colder.

I have decided that I refuse to share he humiliating stories that I and many women have to live through. But this touches my heart so much that I can not stay silent. Please let there finally be the change in society that women long for.

Me too and the message of my Heart

I seem to have a silent thermometer in my heart. And whenever a line is crossed, either in a tv show or in an interaction, my heart grows cold. I always have the feeling that my blood reverses and flows in the opposite direction.

I have decided that I refuse to share he humiliating stories that I and many women have to live through. Remarks made by men like: “you have big tits, that’s why people like you” are painful and degrading. I did what many women do. I laughed while I died inside.

When I was in kindergarten, little male toddlers used to have inappropriate remarks about tits. They used to laugh and share tits jokes. It felt horrible. I could not believe after that “joke” that nothing had changed in the 43 years since I left kindergarten.

Apparently, in the eyes of men, there is nothing valuable about me, but my body.

 

me too
Photo: Jamez Picard

 

When one of the most popular comedians of the Netherlands shared a joke about “how every men wants to do some nasty stuff with you in their mind”, and everyone in the audience was laughing and clapping: yes, my heart went cold again.

When I was young, guys used to ask: “are you horny?” and you needed to laugh and agree and walk on. That was the way to stay out of trouble. Things have not changed much in the 30 years since I left high school.

I feel completely numb.

I have been told what to wear, how to act, how to sit (ankles crossed), and never to go out alone at night (even though there are many plays and movies I would like to visit). But I have become well-adjusted to this rape culture. I stay indoors.

Me too: Will Something Finally Change?

Soon after the success of the me too hashtag, a reaction came. Multiple reactions. I divide them into two categories. The first one is: don’t exaggerate ladies, you can not all be raped. Only victims of rape may share the me too hashtag. 

In my eyes this response completely misses the essence of the metoo hashtag. We, women, finally want to let all of you men know what we are dealing with.

This is a time that in societies eyes a woman is supposed to be “fuckable” all her life. Do you know the expression MILF? Mother’s I’d like to Fuck. Terrible isn’t it? You can be assured that this is no end goal for any women I know. We don’t care.  There is no expression for “Father’s I’d Like to Fuck” and there is good reason for it. We are not interested. At all.

The second is: wtf? What can I do? So I have seen numerous posts of men saying: I am guilty. Good for you. But can there please finally be a change in society? We women have all been longing for it.

I fear that things will remain the same. After this metoo hashtag wears off. In the time that I have grown from a toddler to an elderly woman, I have not seen any change.

metoo
Photo: Shawshank Redemption

 

Now that’s a sad ending, and I hate it. I wanted to write something positive. Like in the Shawshank Redemption film: “get busy living or get busy dying” (again: this is about two guys). Its like I decided to die a little inside.

Me too: to all the young girls

My husband is always glad that we did not have a daughter. “I would lock he up until she’s 18”, he always says (see? you men know very well what it’s like to be a woman).

I know how hard it is to speak up. I have been there. I still feel unable to do it. I am afraid to share my stories here and on Facebook.

The first thing that happens facing a rape situation is that your brain seems to gain speed and you rapidly consult all the possible solutions to leave this situation alive.

Most of the time it means playing along, until you can get the hell out of there.
Once you decide to do that, you have already calculated inside your mind if you would ever be able to win a fight with this guy.

Is that good advice? O no, not at all. Please don’t listen to me. It’s the way I tried to solve one of the many problems of this misogynistic society.

Let’s choose hope. Do you think things will change now?

 

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